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Tales of Ginger Kidz: Secret Language

We have our own little language here in our ginger home. It’s mostly made up of English, but includes words that we make up as well. And we don’t always use existing words in the ways they’re meant to be used.

When my sisters and I were kids, we used to make up our own words. The crazy part is that we never had to explain to the others what the words actually meant. We just knew.

Well, as is the case with most geniuses, I continue to make up my own words and am teaching this wonderful art to my ginger kids. For example, when someone has an upset stomach and thinks they may get sick, then that person is ‘vomitous’ which in my house simply means ‘full of vomit’. Sorry.

My ginger kids haven’t completely picked up the knack for inventing words, but they are getting pretty good at using already existing words for new meanings. Logan usually makes sense, and Evelyn is just funny.

She has a tendency to run around in just her underwear; she’s four years old, and that’s what four-year-olds do. Anywho, one of her favourite things to do when she’s feeling silly is to give herself a wedgie and then go shake her little bum in some unsuspecting victim’s face.

This is called “Booty Time.” Evelyn invented it and it’s HILARIOUS. Last week, though, Evelyn didn’t think it was so funny. She was clothed and watching cartoons, when all of a sudden she started whining. I asked her what was wrong and, through tears, she said “My panties won’t stop doing booty time.”

I laughed so hard that I started crying. Eventually I was able to simply say, “Just go change.” I still giggle when I think about it.

Another example? The doorbell. Evelyn can’t just call it a doorbell. It’s called a ‘Ding Dong Button’.

We were playing together at home one afternoon when the doorbell rang. Evelyn gave me a surprised look and said very quietly, “Someone rang the Ding Dong Button!” I laughed and answered the door, and went right back to Evelyn afterwards.

I told her it was called a doorbell and she said, “I know, but I like Ding Dong Button better.” Case closed.

Logan is a little better than Evelyn at making up his own words. A few weeks ago, Logan and I were discussing plural versions of words. He was asking why on earth the plural of ‘cactus’ was ‘cacti’, but the plural of ‘moose’ didn’t change.

That little redhead makes me think A LOT. There’s no downtime with him. So we got to the word ‘doofus’, which isn’t even a real word, and Logan said, “The plural of doofus is doofi because it ends in -us. It has to follow the same rule as cactus.” Doofi. Another word added to our family dictionary.

It’s weird enough that I live in a house full of gingers. That has to be some kind of anomaly here in the US. We pretend to be normal most of the time, but when people hear us talk to each other, their suspicions are confirmed. We’re not like other people.

We’ve had cheese doorknobs, a toy gun armory, pants-off dance-offs and burping contests. We even have a dog named ‘Taco’. Yes, Taco.

Last week, I was actually considering all the weirdness that occurs within these walls and decided I had to warn the rest of the world. I put a tiny sign on our front door that says, “We’re All Mad Here.” I should’ve added “Enter at Your Own Risk” to the bottom. I still might do that.

You have been warned.


By Diedra

Tune in every week for a dose of mischief and hilarity from Diedra and her ginger family. Check out last werk’s instalment!

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